Love, Lovino Vargas
by Stylexo
Summary: After stumbling upon a diary at his front door, he decided on just tossing the thing. After Feliciano refusing to let his brother let it go, he encouraged 22 year old Lovino Vargas to write in it about his daily life. This is what came out of it.


**Okay so I decided to do a diary/journal type thing and I'm just going to apologize in advance if any of the jokes offend you.**

**So if something does offend you, I'm terribly sorry.  
****Also, I'm thinking about continuing this if people like it...**

**I don't own Hetalia! All rights belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.**

**Warning: Extreme use of foul language (it's Romano we're talking about here) and mentions of adult content and bodily fluid.**

**...**

3/20_  
_I am writing in this diary- oh GOD that sounds so fucking gay.

Anyways, I'm writing in this damned thing because it randomly appeared on the doorstep of our house. Okay I'm not fucking crazy, it really did appear on our doorstep. Some jackass left it and Feliciano REFUSED to throw it away. Normally, he's the type that would take the damned thing and write in it himself or some shit like that, but no, instead he said I was the one to write in it! Which I refused to write in this gay ass piece of shit. I feel like a fucking ten year old girl. At least it was blue instead of some girly ass pink that came with one of those pens with that feathery shit that makes me sneeze and the lock and keys. Why the hell do I even know all this you ask? Well if you've lived with Feliciano long enough you'd know all there is to know about diaries. He went through like five of them in one year! And half of the fucking thing was filled with shit about that God damned potato eating son of a bitch!

Speaking of that asshole, he came over today to pick my brother up. Apparently they had to train. But all of that is fucking bullshit. I bet they fuck each other to get exercise. I mean, Feliciano never gains a damned muscle after training with that fuckface for... Christ I'm not sure how long. Sure as shit though Feliciano comes home and acts tired and he drags his ass around and lazily does shit and it pisses me off because he makes messes and halfway cleans them up! He claims that Ludwig *gags* (even writing the name is horrible) makes him run too many laps and that his muscles are always sore. HA, what muscles?

And anyway, I'm pretty sure that German buttfucker is into some kinky ass shit. I mean, I think there's some stereotype about that, and what the hell do I know, but I'm pretty sure fratello mentioned looking underneath that asshole's bed and finding his "special magazines" and videos he apparently likes to watch when he has plenty of "alone time." Which, Feliciano should know, that is supposed to stay private. I did not need to know about his fucking porn collection!

Not to mention the potato bastard's weird ass brother that Antonio is best friends with, or as he puts it, BFFS FOREVER. Ugh, and anyways, Gilbert, thankfully is what you would call Prussian. Although he is, or was a nation, a German speaking whatever the fuck he is now, it gives me a right to hate him. Plus he always teases me when I'm visiting Antonio and he and Francis are there too. And by God I hate Francis most of all between the three of them. That perverted fuck flirts with every girl and guy he sees! Like find a fucking lover and settle your ass down. Actually, I'm not sure he'll ever find a lover considering all he does is have a one night stand with everyone he meets. But enough shit about those assholes, I have other things to concern myself about.

Like the fact on Feliciano and I's birthday like a week ago, first of all, there was alcohol, and plenty of it. So everyone was getting piss ass drunk. And I'm not sure but I think I went to bed that night drunk myself and I woke up with me laying on my bed that had cum all over it. And I was clothed when I woke up so I know it had to have been others. If I ever find out who fucked on my bed, God so help me, I will murder them in the most painful way possible, and I will make them suffer. After bathing myself because I woke up smelling like alcohol (and a hint of jizz but I'm not going to talk about that), I literally burned my bed sheets. Feliciano said they would wash but I didn't give a shit I didn't want to use sheets that I knew people had fucked on! Feliciano was also walking funny that day. I asked him about it and he said that sprained his ankle but to me it looked like he had something shoved up his ass. So I asked him if he and that potato fucker had sex and he flat out denied it! Which, okay, I admit, Feliciano is not one to tell lies but if he said that he did get his ass penetrated then I would have been pissed anyway.

Holy shit this entry is long as fuck. I may just stick to writing in this thing, even if it is as gay as shit. At least I can get my complaints out in a way where I don't hurt anybody. Anyways, since this is a diary and its gay as fuck I might as well be gay as fuck along with it. So..

Love,  
Lovino Vargas

* * *

3/21  
So today Antonio came over. And he had the god damned nerve to bring his friends. I did not want them stepping foot inside my house! Well, actually Feliciano's and mine, but you get the point. Feliciano sat and chat with Gilbert and Francis while Antonio helped attend to the tomato garden out back. But the fucking tomato bastard had the nerve to throw a rotten tomato at me. And he could tell I was pissed off because he hit me in the face. He even laughed! So, I took two of the tomatoes (that were rotten, better not let the perfect beauties go to waist) and pelted him in his balls. And I threw them hard. And the second he cupped his hands down near his crotch and fell to his knees crying in agony, I looked at him as if I were to say "Whose laughing now, bitch?" Honestly, I shouldn't have been so harsh, but the jackass deserves it he hit me first thinking I would take it as a joke. Well, newsflash, if you throw something at me, I will make your regret it. You don't fucking throw shit at me and laugh and expect me to laugh with you, do you? Because that is not how Lovino Vargas' mind words, dammit!

Speaking of which, after the Bad Bastard Trio left, Feliciano decided to watch TV while I did my share of house chores. And I normally don't do chores at all, but I took this opportunity to snoop through my brother's shit. And I know what you're thinking. "Omg you invaded his privacy! How dare you?!" Yeah yeah whatever, I had to know if Feliciano had been keeping anything from me lately.

Turns out, I was right. So I find a box in the back of his closet, right? And I open it up, and its filled with all kinds of sex toys. Not only that, but there were items in there for kinky ass shit times in bed. For an example, you had your basic vibrators and what not, there were some tubes of lube that looked as if they hadn't been used as well. Then I seen a cock ring or two, and then rope. Which btw, I hate rope because it burns your skin and gives you blisters and shit. Anyways, there were blindfolds, gags, collars, leashes, whips and even a skimpy ass leather outfit too. Then there were items out of the ordinary in there too. An example would be duck tape. Then I seen a knife in there as well. The stuff looked untouched though, so I take it that he hasn't used any of it, which gives me relief. Because if I find out him and potato bastard are having sexy times with these, then there will be major hell to pay. I will be one pissed off person.

I think that's all for now.

Love,  
Lovino Vargas

* * *

3/22  
Today there was a world meeting and it was terrible as always.

That creepy ass Russian weirdo, Ivan, was being his creepy self. His younger sister Natalia was being just as creepy as he was! And then Gilbert was annoying that fucking bastard Roderich, whom I hate his guts because he's a fucking douche. Seriously and he has a girlfriend... Elizabeta. I honestly have no God damned clue what she sees in him.

For one, he isn't that attractive at all, honestly she could do much better. Another thing is he's always being gay and bitching about every little thing like some woman on her period. (No offense to all the lovely ladies out there, I'm just pissed off right now) Seriously though, Elizabeta could at least date someone worth her time.

Like Feliciano. Get him while you can. Steal him from that fucking potato bastard. Or somebody take Feliciano so that damned potato eating motherfucker can't have him. I don't care who it is as long as its not him. Anyone but him. Hell I'll even offer him to Francis! But I worry that Francis will take advantage of him.

And yes, I actually worry about my brother's well being. If anything were to happen to him I would not live with myself. God dammit this is getting all sappy and shit okay I gotta stay on track.

So that British bastard brought some of his food to the meeting and didn't tell us he made it. I didn't eat anything before the meeting and I took a big bite out of his food and it tasted like pure dog shit. I choked on the shit and Antonio, that assfuck, offered to give me the Heimlich maneuver! So I was standing up, making a huge scene, and Antonio came up behind me and I elbowed him before he could actually wrap his arms around me. And when I elbow people, I make sure it hurts like a fucking bitch. I was just fine without his fucking help, and I didn't want him touching me anyway! So then everybody is staring at us, and Elizabeta just had to go into weirdo fangirl mode and flip shit. She took out her phone and begged, that's right, she BEGGED Antonio to act like he was giving me the Heimlich maneuver!

So I turned around to his skinny ass and told him that if he dared to touch me, I would murder him slowly and watch his blood spill everywhere. Then I would cut him up into pieces and feed him to a fucking shark or some shit like that. I think I made him piss his pants because he wouldn't say another word or even look at me the rest of the time.

Lovino Vargas - 1  
Antonio Bastardo Carriedo - 0

Anyways, I'm tired and its been a long damn day. I'll end it here for today.

Love,  
Lovino Vargas


End file.
